Aphotic Extrication
Desire to be with you has gone up in smoke. The exhaustive list of reasons why stretch into a blinding distance. I'm not angry, not anymore. It's worse; I'm indifferent. How I’m able to easily admit this punctuates things. I tried past what I thought possible. And in doing so I’ve impressed myself…with resilience, fortitude. Now that the tides of anguish have subsided, serenity calls. For I refuse to participate in furthering my demise.
This once flourishing spirit of mine has withered. It’s hallowed out like an autumn leaf foolishly battling the inevitable arrival of winter. The former months has left me more a foreigner to myself than when I faced remote darkness alone. No matter. A return to peaceful liberation—a small home I've been building for quite sometime—awaits. You will not understand any of this, a terrible certainty.
I love you. But I also love me. You’ve become a suffering in reverent solitude. I'd offer friendship, though, you’ll predictably refuse such a thing. You want it all or nothing. If cut open, only expired blood and a dying fire you’ll find. So, nothing it is. However, I have a rendezvous with an untrodden haven. A realm of your absence is where I seek to dwell.
A newfound oath I’ve taken, one that will purge me of adiposity. This isn't sadness or remorse but a measure of joy. Perception is a fickle thing, a fragile instrument of power. This frequency…my vibration requires vigorous cultivation, mindful nurturing. And now I will conjure sorcery. Stay put. An incantation, then, blasphemous gesticulations; I transform you into a piece of birch. With my knife, I carve out eyes, nose, ears, and a mouth so that you can see, smell, hear and speak. But not so much where you don’t look like an ordinary piece of a felled tree.
We take a remote walk into the forest and hike up a ridge. I locate the most magnificent view—where one can see beyond yonder. There’s a large lake too, and forest filled mountains that all sit underneath a vast sky. It is here I secure you to a tree, hidden, never to be discovered. I curse you to an evermore of sunrises, the moon and stars after nightfall, alone. You will see, hear, and smell all of life but never participate. When you speak, there will be none to listen. No one will know of your existence. This is to be your permanent confines.
My dear once beloved, maybe now in the isolation of this heaven will you discover hell…and what it is like to be with you. Farewell.
This is a deep, soulful, and sweetly poetic reflection of a heart that has not given up on love, yet has chosen a path to protect it's peace, seeking respite in light of bitterness. However, it's also a candid reminder to never cross a "mad" mystic's path recklessly, lest we end up a horrid one-eyed toad...for all eternity!!